Things I love about my children.

Because sometimes we can all complain a little too much about our little stinkers.

- I love that Charlotte says "Thank you," just about every time I hand her something. Such a sweetie.

- I love when Charlotte keeps calling the baby over to the toys to play with her... "Baby, come on! Come over here!"

- I LOVE watching the girls together. Clara absolutely loves her sister and just cracks up over the silliest stuff that Charlotte does. The other day Charlotte was walking really silly shuffling her feet, and Clara was just laughing and giggling and following her around everywhere. She just adores her!

- I love when Charlotte sings "Jesus loves me." Melts my heart.

- I love that Clara is so in love with me. Its true. The child wont go to anyone else! Even if its me and Thomas in the same room, she always prefers Mama. 'Atta girl. (And actually, it's her first "official" non-babbling word! Mama. Yep. Im proud!)

- I love how Charlotte is (usually) so kind to other people. She likes to share and likes to make people laugh.

- I love that Charlotte absolutely, positively loves her daddy.

Clara says, "War Eagle!" :)

Isn't she just the cutest? <3

Because I suck at this.

Going to start blogging again. Or at least try to. My life is just too boring to write about I guess! :)

6 months already?

So it looks like my last post was 6 months ago! Almost 7 months! Well, let me tell ya that flew by! Im going to try to blog more, mostly for personal use. Im HORRIBLE at keeping baby books and all that mommy goodness (ugh, my kids are gonna hate me some day), so blogspot will have to do. Or Facebook. (Is there a way to get all your Facebook statuses? Im pretty sure my children comprise 99.2% of them).

Anywho. Where to start?

My last post was about Clara's birth. Wow. That seems SO. LONG. AGO. But yet seems just like last week and I know she'll be one before I know it. When you have a child, time flies, but when you have two it REALLY flies. I can only imagine when you have more than that!

So... Clara. My sweet Clara. Or as I like to call her.... Porkchop. Chubber. Stinkybutt. My fat bottomed girl. Or just plain fatty. But she knows I love her.

Her first 3 months were... Well, they were rough, I'll just put it that way. She was extremely colicky and we just could not figure out what was wrong with her. She would scream ALL day long and it would be near impossible to get her to sleep at night. We even took her to the ER right before New Years because I just knew that something was wrong with her to make this child scream like this! But all they could tell me was "colic." Whatever THAT means?! Clara almost scared me from ever having another baby again. Almost. ;)

At about 10 weeks old, after trying everything else, we put her on Prevacid because I suspected that she might have reflux after taking this quiz on this website. She never spit up so I just didn't consider it at first, but there's such a thing as "silent reflux," which I believe is what she had. Within a week, she was a new baby! Hallelujah! No more bouncing for endless hours on a yoga ball with a hot tempered baby strapped to your bosom in a Moby wrap! Phwew! Yall, she was a TOTALLY different baby, and has just continued to improve.

Right now at 6.5 months old she is the perfect baby. Seriously. (I mean, not that fussy babies aren't "good" babies, all babies are sweet goodness... Does anyone else hate it when people imply that?) She is content all the time, sitting up so well (and has been since about 4 months old), sleeping fantastic, puts herself to sleep without a fuss (started it on her own!), gaining weight just fine, working on crawling, nurses like a champ, and is just an overall healthy and happy baby. Praise God! Now, she is a biiiiig mama's girl and won't really let anyone else besides myself or my husband hold her, but she is getting better at that. And honestly, I love it! Charlotte was such a hot potato baby, she could be passed around all day long and not give a care in the world! She never really cried when I left the room, but Clara does. Love it! :)

She is still nursing! Never had any formula (ok, except for 22ml on her second night of life, she was screeeeeeeaming, so I gave in, she drank a little, then passed out for 3 hours, ha!)... Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge breastfeeding advocate and had a very rough time with Charlotte, so I am absolutely thrilled that it has worked out so well this time. Its the sweetest and most amazing thing I think I have ever done!

I mean, look at this face?! *melt*

She's 16lb 9oz as of today and Im guessing about 27.5 in long. We started solids just a few days ago, but we are doing mostly babyled weaning, which basically means.... she eats what we eat, on her timing. I give her some food and if she eats it, then she does, if not... Then thats ok, too. :) I've given her just a little baby food. Im not a fan of the stuff, its WAAAAY overpriced!

OH! In other news... We bought a house! We weren't planning on it originally, but we prayed about it a lot and asked a bunch of questions to some mortgage companies (because at first we didn't think we'd qualify for a loan due to our student loan debt), and we found the perfect little house for us. We moved in a month ago and we have loved it so far!

My favorite thing about it is the backyard. It's fenced in and is just the perfect size. Charlotte LOVES it! And yes it has a sprinkler system and lots of cute flowers already. I'll tell ya, I dont have any kind of green thumb, so this is definitely motivation to learn.

I dont have any other pictures of the house because it's still a hot mess and the living room has to be painted. Badly. Like, it's being painted this Thursday by my mama who is flying in from Ohio in a couple days. And I wont take any pics of it til it's painted! Ha! I dont know what the previous owners were thinking, but breastfed baby poop yellow is not very fitting to slather all over your walls! Yuck. I also need to decide what to paint the girls room, either light purple, pink, yellow, or green. Yes, that narrows it down a lot, doesn't it?

Ok, so Clara. What else about Clara? Oh, yes. She absolutely adores Charlotte. ADORES. Nobody can make this bundle of fatty goodness laugh like Charlotte can. Charlotte can just hit her ("Gentle hands, Charlotte, GENTLE HANDS!") and the kid starts belly laughing. I cant ever make her laugh that hard! She looks up to her, that's for sure. I pray that their relationship continues to develop and I pray that I can nurture that relationship. Sisters are important!

And Charlotte loves Clara. Oh man, does she love Clara. Every morning she gets up and asks where the baby is (and *yawn* it's always the same answer... Baby is sleeping!) and wants to give her a hug and a kiss. It's so sweet to see them together. Warms a mama's heart! I also believe this child was born to be a mama. All. Day. Long. ALL she does is play with her babies, stuffed animals, blocks, whatever... and babies them. Nurses them, rocks them, even bounces them on her ball, ha. I call her my Lil Mama, because she really is!

Charlotte is now 2.5 years old. Wow. I can't believe it. Just a little while ago she looked like this....

And now she looks like this....

*tear*

(And how did two average looking people make such a beautiful child? I didn't think it was supposed to work like that?) ;)

Ok well that's enough for tonight. I love my little family and I love being their momma! (Ok.. most days) ;)



Clara Grace's Birth Story

Our second edition, Clara Grace (yes, we changed her name at the last minute!), was born yesterday, November 28, 2010 at 9:19am. She is doing wonderfully and we are so grateful for God's little blessing!

I am going to write out my birth story mostly for my own personal use, but some people (myself included!) like to read birth stories so Im going to share it with everyone. I'll try to make it short! :)

I guess I have to start on Friday, Nov 26. I was 39w 4d at this point. It was Black Friday, and we had had a busy day. We did a bit of shopping that morning and then relaxed that afternoon and watched the Iron Bowl game (Auburn won, War Eagle!). I had been debating on trying castor oil, but I know it is controversial so I did a bit of research on it on the internet. Most of the sites I found said to take 2-4oz of castor oil. I didnt feel comfortable taking that much, so I decided to only take 1 oz and see what happened. I took it at about 3pm that day. I decided I would use the breastpump for a bit (supposedly it can bring on labor in some people), so I did that for about 15 mins. Then I bounced on my yoga ball while watching TV. My mother-in-law was in town visiting for Thanksgiving so we all decided to do a bit of shopping that evening. Right before leaving the apartment at about 5:30pm, I realized that I was having contractions about 5 mins apart. I figured I would just "keep an eye" on them and see what happened.

We went to Hobby Lobby and walked around, and the contractions kept coming, 3-5 mins apart at this time and they were getting a little more stronger and painful. We then went to Target and walked around a bit, hoping to stimulate labor a bit more. Then we thought, Hmmm maybe its a good idea to go home? (Note: My labor with Charlotte was 27 hrs long from first timeable contraction until birth. The contractions with her stayed at 7-10 mins apart for 20 HOURS.. So I wasnt used to contractions 3-5 mins apart!) :)

So we got home and kept timing them, and they just weren't going away and were getting more painful. We decided at about 9pm that we were going to go to the hospital, so we packed up our things and went. Could this be it?

When we got to the hospital, they were anywhere from 2-5mins apart and getting pretty strong. I had to really breathe through them to tolerate it. We got in our room and they hooked me up to the monitor, and my contractions were showing up pretty strong. I was only 1cm still at this point, though, which was a bit disappointing (Note: I had been 1cm for a week at this point, and 50% effaced) after having such pain for the last 4 hours or so! Im not really sure why the hospital decided to keep me since I wasnt progressed, but I wish they would have. To make a long story short... The contractions kept coming until about 3am at which point I decided to try Stadol for pain relief. All that stuff did was make me very drowsy but still feel the contractions! I wouldnt recommend it. So I basically passed in and out of consciosness for a few hours until I realized my contractions had slowed waaaay down and were about 15 mins apart. And then soon after, they stopped completely. What!? They checked me and I was 4cm dilated. I was completely confused. How does labor just STOP like that???

At this point it was 7am and I was completely exhausted. The nurse mentioned the doctor was going to be there soon and that she could break my water or try pitocin to get things going again, but I didnt want to do that. I couldnt imagine laboring for several more hours on no sleep, and then taking care of a newborn! No thank you. So I decided to leave the hospital and go home.

I went home and slept for 5 hours. After that, I didnt really feel any more contractions. I had a few, but they were erratic, even though they were still at the same pain level as the night before... More painful than Braxton Hicks contractions. Thomas mentioned that maybe I should try another ounce of castor oil. (BTW, when I took it on Friday night, I had no side effects, no diarrhea or nothing) So I took another ounce at about 5pm that evening. We played with Charlotte and hung out with his mom for a bit, then decided to go walking around the mall for an hour or so at about 9pm. While walking around I got a few contractions, but nothing regular. *sigh* I was really starting to get discouraged from the night before.

We went home and for SOME reason stayed up until midnight. Before going to bed, my random painful contractions continued, but they were only about 15 mins apart. I took a Unisom and went to bed.

Sometime between 2:30am-3:00am Sunday morning I woke up with pain. I went in and out of sleep for the next 2 hours or so until I just couldnt sleep anymore because of the pain. I wasnt timing them because I was so groggy due to the Unisom. At about 4am I woke Thomas up with all of my moaning and groaning and he suggest I bounced or lay across my yoga ball. So I bounced and swayed on the ball for awhile. Contractions were about 4-6 mins apart at this point and over the next 2 hours, got stronger and more painful. I didnt want to go to the hospital too soon and have a repeat of Friday night, so I continued to just bounce on the ball and walk around to tolerate the painful contractions. At about 7:00am we called the dr's office hotline and told them I was in labor and they told us to come right in. We took our time gathering our things (remember, my first labor was 27 hrs, I thought I had plenty of time ;) ) and at about 7:45am we headed over to the hospital at got there at about 8am.

By this point, the contractions were extremely painful and it was hard to "just breathe" through them. I figured I was at least 5 or 6cm at this point. So we got a room and they hooked me up to that blasted monitor, and checked me. 4cm. ARE. YOU. KIDDING ME? I think I could have slapped someone at that point. I had been wanting to go pain med-free for this labor and birth but after realizing that I was going to be in so much pain for so long again, I wanted an epi. The nurses tried to talk me out of it somewhat, knowing that what I wanted was a natural birth, but I insisted. They called the OB on call and the anesthesiologist, telling me they each had a 20 minute drive.

After this point, the contractions all of a sudden became extremely painful, but still only about 3 mins apart. I didnt want Thomas to touch me, I didnt want to lay in bed, so I told the nurses I HAD to get out of bed, so I did and walked around. I wanted to jump out the window, it hurt so bad! When was the anesthesiologist going to get here?! (It was about 8:30am by this point)

The contractions got more and more painful and just made me nauseous. I thought it was because I was so hungry! I was begging Thomas to give me some of his crackers! :) After one contraction, I threw up and got really dizzy. I didnt realize it at the time, but I was hitting the Transition period of labor. Right after this, the OB on call walked in and introduced herself and I was just asking where the anesthesiologist was at! She was super nice, though, and told me she had to break my water first before I could get an epidural. WHAT? I had always heard that breaking the water makes contractionsn 10x worse so this brought me to tears and I was just so scared of the pain that was about to come.

So, she broke my water and checked me, it was about 8:50 at this point. 7cm! I was shocked I had dilated so fast. The doctors and nurses left after this, and I just tried to deal with the horrendous after-breaking-the-water-pain. I was moaning so loud, Thomas was telling me to be quiet, LOL! I tried breathing, I tried telling myself it was "good pain", and I tried counting, but nothing helped. FINALLY, at about 9am the anesthesiologist came in, tried to make small talk but I wanted that needle in my back and NOW!!! I was TERRIFIED that he was going to stick me when I was having a contraction because that happened when I was in labor with Charlotte. But, he waited til one was over, then numbed the area up. I didnt even feel the needle go in. Phew! Now I was just waiting for it to take effect. He was finished at about 9:10am. I asked when the epi was going to take effect, and the nurse told me, "A good 20-25 minutes." OMG what?!

At this point I stood up and had two more contractions. The nurse tried to get me to sway with her, but I told her to get her hands off me!! After the second one, I felt a lot of pressure. Looking back, I think I felt the baby drop right into position. The nurse didnt believe me so she made me just get back in the bed but I started screaming at her, "I FEEL PRESSURE! OMG!!!" so she reached in and yelled into the hall, "Dr. Moses!!!" The nurse got me to lay on my right side. All these people started rushing into the room and they got my legs in the stirrups. I was screaming during the contractions and the nurses were trying to get me to breathe. I yelled, "Please stop talking to me!!!!!!!!"

At this point, the doctor was "in position" and I started to feel a burning sensation. They told me that it was gonna "hurt like hell" and I would feel a "burning ring of fire." Well yes, that is exactly what I felt. Can I just say that my desire to ever birth naturally ever again went totally away?

They told me I was going to push at the next contraction. So that's exactly what I did, and out popped her head! And yes, it did hurt like hell! A few seconds later they told me to push again, and I did, and out popped her body. Two pushes and she was out! It's true that after the baby is out, you feel no more pain. THANK GOD! It was over. I did it! I didnt want to, but I did it! LOL About 5 mins after the was born, the epidural started to take effect. Go figure!!! My legs were totally numb for 5 hrs after that.

And there she was. Clara Grace Hill. 7lb 10oz, 19.5 inches long. She came out pink and healthy, breathing just fine, with APGARs of 9 and 10. I was so happy she was healthy!

We are both doing just fine. Nursing is going MUCH better than it did with Charlotte (let me spare you the horrible details on that one). She is also just so alert! She'll just lay there and look around the room for an hour. Hopefully the sleepy bug bites her soon! ;)

Here are a few pics...

She weighed exactly as much as Charlotte did! And also arrived 1 day before her due date, just like her big sister! :)

Hey everybody! I'm the one who made my mama sick for 6 months and helped her gain 65 lbs (again!)

Mama and Baby. I was determined to have a "decent" picture after this baby's birth because after Charlotte was born I looked like a hot mess! This was about 15 mins after she was born. :)

This child, once again, looks just like her Daddy. She has his nose and pointy chin!

Big Sister Charlotte and Grandma Susan come to visit the baby. Charlotte wasn't too impressed...

Daddy holding his two babies :)

Charlotte has come to visit a few times and has reacted... as expected. :) She has been a little stand offish towards me, probably because I had an IV in my hand and was in a strange bed in strange clothes. She did show interest in the baby and patted her head and kissed her. Oh, and tried to give her her "sassy." :) (pacifier) Hopefully over the next few weeks we will all adjust to being a family of four!

36 weeks!

So since this past Monday I have been 36 weeks into his pregnancy! I am so grateful to have made it here, there were a few weeks where I didn't think that we would! But of course, prayer works and God is good! :)

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and also had an ultrasound to see how "big" this baby was. Ha. Even though I seem to gain a kindergartener when I'm pregnant, it doesn't seem my babies get to memo to get "big." :) I know that ultrasounds can be waaay off in terms of a baby's weight so I dont trust them at all, but it said she is weighing about 6lb 6oz right now at 36 weeks. Not too shabby, I guess. Charlotte was born at 39w6d and was 7lb 10oz, so she was a little thing. Maybe this baby will be bigger than Char if she decides to wait that long...

Of course, I am not dilated or progressing or anything yet. And that's ok! I could have sworn I would have had SOMETHING going on, though, with as much Char lifting, walking, and stress that has been put on my body lately! I guess in a way I am glad, though. I dont really feel ready to have a baby yet!! Im quite scared to have 2 little ones 2 years old and under. What was I thinking?! ;)

So next Monday I will be 37 weeks, which is considered fullterm. I can't believe I am so close to being there!!! It seems this pregnancy has gone sooooo slooooooow. Now, I just need to get the 297372 things done that I need to get done before she gets here... :)

My little fairy princess

Trying out her big sister role by rocking her baby doll :)

Second Chances

"They" say (whoever they may be) that the first child is always the guinea pig. The first child gets things tried out on them, the parents make mistakes, learn new techniques, etc and then try to do "better" with the second child. Or maybe it's not even until the third, fourth, or tenth child until you realize certain things.

This blog post may not mean anything to most people, but then some might be able to relate. If you aren't a parent (a mommy, especially), then it might not make any since at all! It might even offend some, even though that is not my original intent.

When Charlotte was born, I had never read a parenting book. I never went to a parenting class and I never really worried about all that. I had heard that everything would just come naturually to me and everything would work out. For the first ten weeks of her life, this was truly the case. We struggled a lot with nursing at first (which never really panned out), but otherwise, everything was ok. Even though we never planned on it (or even thought about it), she slept in our bed and much to my surprise, I LOVED it. Thomas and I both loved having a sweet cuddly little baby right there to kiss and snuggle with at night. Everyone told us we better be careful or we'd never get her out of our bed! Ha. Now, I WISH she would at least take a nap with me! But no, she refuses time and time again. :)

At ten weeks old, I picked up a book someone at church gave me called Babywise (actually, it was the "Christian" version.. Growing Kids God's Way). I also read things similar to what the book teaches online. It told me Charlotte NEEDED to be put on a strict feeding and sleeping schedule or else she'd grow up to be a defiant little brat who would learn that crying = attention. Let me tell you, them's be strong words to a new a mommy, unsure of her capabilities and full of doubt on this new mothering journey. As a first time mom, not having a clue, I was scared of messing up. I wanted to be the PERFECT mother, or at least as perfect as I could be. I was afraid of not listening to "the book" and to others around me saying that she needed to learn to soothe herself.. She needed to fall asleep by herself.. She needed to be put on a schedule.. She needed to learn ORDER! Because don't you know that God is a God of order? (<--insert puking smiley here)

So I listened. I decided that she, indeed, needed to learn to "cry it out," even though she was barely out of my womb. She needed to learn that mommy wasn't going to come to her "manipulative cries." The little sinner!

So when she was 10 weeks old, at bedtime we fed her, rocked her for a minute, then I put her in her crib and I walked out the door. She immediately started to scream, kick her legs, and flail around. My heart started pounding, I felt sick inside. I believe I actually threw up at some point that night. I had to lock myself in our bathroom to drown out the cries. Actually, I had to leave the house and met a friend at Starbucks to talk out my feelings on the matter. Why wouldn't she stop crying? Why wasn't this working? Does God approve of this?

This lasted for 3 hours. THREE. HOURS. Then she fell asleep, alone in her crib, and in her pretty little room. And yet I felt so ugly inside. I felt like I had sinned against God for abandoning this sweet little creature He had blessed me with.

Later on that night, my eyes swollen with tears, I went and picked her up and brought her back to bed with us. I didn't care if I had "ruined" all that crying work, I just knew that I needed her close to me. I didn't like the thought of her sleeping alone, so far away, in the dark.

In the weeks that followed, I still tried to put her on a "schedule" but in a gentler way. We did transition her to her crib a few days later and she has stayed there ever since (much to my dismay!). There were many many times I have cursed Ezzo's name and his book for bringing doubt into my mind about the things that were important to me. For months after that 10 week mark, I struggled with PPD, doubt, and fear of doing it "wrong." There were times I didn't like being a mom at all because my baby just wouldn't cooperate with "the schedule."

When I think about it, I can still hear her. I can still hear her screaming and I can see her precious tiny body in that yellow sleep sack kicking and flailing... And me just standing there doing nothing. Nothing. It has been almost two years since then and yet I still think about it almost on a weekly basis, even if for a few seconds. It haunts me.

In a way, I am grateful. I am grateful that we didn't continue with most of the Babyunwise methods and I am grateful that my sweet girl's cries still affect me and touch my heart strings to this day. I am grateful that over the past two years I have learned more about the heart and character of our Lord, and that has caused me to be more discerning when it comes to parenting methods and how we are to love our children. I'm not sure where I heard it, or maybe I thought of it (highly unlikely!), but the best advice I have is this:

Parent your children like God parents you.

Patiently. Gently. Mercifully.
With kindness and love.
And with abundant grace. Grace overflowing.

I have since thrown out the parenting books... especially most of those labeled "Christian." It seems many Christians are so eager to tout grace and mercy, except when it concerns our precious children, even babies. Children may need to learn order, but how will they ever learn Grace unless we show it to them? We push and shove our children out the door of independence, not realizing that independent children come all too soon, without any pushing required. My little baby is now a big baby, usually not wanting me to hold her at all, she is much too busy for that. :)

What I wouldn't give to go back in time and be able to scoop up that sweet crying little baby and let her know that mommy is ALWAYS there for her... Even when it's inconvenient... Even when it's in the middle of the night, or when it makes me uncomfortable... Even when other people are telling me I am spoiling her or doing it "wrong"... I don't care what people think anymore. I don't care if they think I'm not doing it right or if they think my child will turn out to be a spoiled brat. People will think what they will, and then we will just prove them wrong. :)

The only one I dare to please is God, and Him alone. I beg for his mercies anew every day, knowing that the only way I can raise my daughter to be a godly woman is by his grace and guidance. Thank you God for second chances.

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” Isaiah 49:15

(.... And maybe next time I will share why we don't spank! But that's only when I want to feel the flames under my feet while I hang on the stake... Just kidding. Maybe.)

My Testimony

I know, the title of this post is very original, but I didn't know what else to call it. We are joining a new church here in Jackson, MS and one of the things that Thomas and I have to do regarding membership is write out our testimony. I have tried to many times but when I look back on my life it just gets all very confusing and jumbled when it comes to the how's and when's of when I came to the Lord. So, anyways....

When I am asked to tell or write my testimony, I am always hesitant because it seems my life has been a hodge podge of different spiritual experiences leading up to my life today. I have no idea at which point I became a born again Christian and when I get to Heaven I think that will be one of my first questions I'd like to ask God! Most of that has to do with my parents unbiblical belief influences, my believing I was always a Christian, and then my growth as a Christian... Yet not knowing exactly when that "change" occurred. Confusing and strange, I know. :) Hopefully I can explain....
My parents met when they were both missionaries of The Way International, a "biblical research organization," (you can google it if you'd like) in Birmingham, Alabama. After I was born, they both left that organization because of some questionable things going on with the president of The Way, but they still held to the same beliefs and would meet from time to time with others that left the organization. Growing up I was taught these unbiblical beliefs my parents held (the biggest one being that Jesus Christ was not God in the flesh), but by the grace of God they weren't talked about a lot and they didn't seem to "stick" with me much. I didn't have much religion in my life at all growing up. I knew about God and Jesus, but never gave them much thought. I actually didn't know Christmas and Easter were about Jesus until I was a teenager. I always just assumed that believing in God was "enough" and that as long as a person believed in God (or a "god") then they were ok. Hindu, Muslim, Christian -- weren't they all the same and believed in the same God? I remember my mom telling me over and over that Jesus was not God and that speaking in tongues was very very important. I believed that Jesus was not God and not divine for a long time, way into high school. Even after that point, I struggled for awhile with the concept and read a lot about the divinity of Christ. I remember when my mom and I were walking in the city one day when I was young, a woman came up to me and gave me a gospel tract that talked about hell, repentance, and the cross. Some people believe that tracts are useless (or that talking about hell might scare people away), but I truly believe that one tract had an influence in planting a seed in my heart about Christ and my need for Him to cleanse me of my sin. I knew of the reality of hell and was terrified to go there. I would lay awake at night thinking about it, wondering if I was REALLY saved.


When I was in 7th grade, for some reason, my parents put me in a Christian private school for a year and I believe it was there that I heard the true Gospel for the first time. Of course, I would raise my hand when the guest speaker at chapel would ask if anyone would like to "accept Jesus into their heart," but again, not sure exactly if that was when I came to Christ. Ever since then, however, it seemed I became very interested in Christian things and I would do research online, ask questions at Christian message boards, read my Bible, and even defend the Christian faith in my many online debates. Even though I never went to church during this time, I feel that helped me to grasp the concepts of Christianity. I believe, however, that by the time I was in high school I was a true Christian, although I would struggle with certain things even into college.
 
When I was in high school, I never went to church because my parents looked down on the idea. All I heard growing up was that all churches wanted was your money. They also did not believe baptism was necessary, so that was out of the question when I was living at home, although I always knew it was something I needed to do. When I went to college in the fall of 2004, I joined a few Christian ministries (namely Chi Alpha) and also a sorority and started going to church for the first time in my life (a Southern Baptist church). I feel that I grew the most as a Christian while I was in college, attending church and other ministries, and was able to live out my faith and really find out what I believed. Needless to say, my mom and dad had a few things to say about me being baptised and we have had quite a few discussions about my "new" belief that Jesus Christ is, in fact, God (which of course, is one of the ultimate and most important beliefs in Christianity). We have come to an unofficial agreement to not talk about religion because it mostly ends with them yelling at me for my "Satanic" beliefs. After meeting Thomas, and especially after we were married, I feel that I have grown even more in my faith. We challenge each other, encourage each other, love to talk about theology together, and share what we learn and love to read the Word together and discuss. Thomas has been the biggest Christian influence in my life and I am honored to call him my husband.
 
Even though I dont know when I was saved, I know that I am and that "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6) I am excited about our new life in Jackson and seeing what God has planned for our family and raising a Christian family of my own, a concept that is honestly pretty foreign to me. I know I will need a lot of grace and wisdom from the Lord in order to do this. I know that I am a sinner and it is only by His grace that I am saved. Thank God that His mercies are new every day!
 
So there ya go. :)
 
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." John 3:16-18